Three Men in a Boat (Jerome)
Short summary
London, late 19th century. Three young men decided they needed a holiday from their stressful city lives and planned a two-week boating trip up the River Thames from Kingston to Oxford.
The narrator convinced his two friends that they all suffered from various ailments and needed rest. They packed their boat with provisions, camping equipment, and brought along a fox terrier named Montmorency. The journey began with enthusiasm as they rowed through locks, past historic sites, and camped along the riverbanks.
Along the way, they encountered various mishaps: they struggled with putting up their canvas cover, got lost trying to navigate Hampton Court Maze, and had difficulties with cooking. The narrator philosophized about life while observing the river scenery.
Throw the lumber over, man! Let your boat of life be light, packed with only what you need—a homely home and simple pleasures, one or two friends, worth the name, someone to love and someone to love you...
They passed through Reading, Wallingford, and other riverside towns, sharing humorous stories and observations. However, after reaching Oxford, the weather turned rainy and miserable. After two days of constant rain, cold, and discomfort, the three men abandoned their romantic notions of camping and caught a train back to London, where they enjoyed a proper supper at a restaurant and attended a show, grateful to be off the river.
Detailed summary by chapters
Chapter titles are editorial.
Chapter 1. Three invalids plan a river trip
Three young men sat in a London room, smoking and discussing their health. The narrator, known as J., felt convinced his liver was out of order after reading a patent medicine advertisement.
He recalled visiting the British Museum to research hay fever treatment, but ended up reading about various diseases and convinced himself he suffered from all of them except housemaid's knee.
I plodded through the twenty-six letters, and the only malady I had not got was housemaid's knee. I felt rather hurt about this at first; it seemed somehow to be a sort of slight.
His doctor friend examined him and prescribed a simple remedy: beefsteak, beer, exercise, early bedtime, and avoiding hypochondria. Harris complained of giddiness, while George also claimed similar symptoms.
They concluded they needed rest and a change of scene. George suggested the river, which appealed to everyone except Montmorency, their fox-terrier, who preferred more excitement than peaceful scenery offered.
Chapter 2. Camping arrangements and Montmorencys character
The friends discussed whether to camp out or sleep at inns. J. painted a romantic picture of camping under the stars, but Harris pragmatically asked about rainy weather. They compromised: camping on fine nights, staying at inns when wet. Montmorency approved of this plan, as he disliked romantic solitude and preferred noisy, lively places. Despite his angelic appearance, he had cost J. considerable money through killed chickens, street fights, and various misdemeanors.
Chapter 3. Packing the boat
J. volunteered to pack, considering himself an expert.
I rather pride myself on my packing. Packing is one of those many things that I feel I know more about than any other person living. (It surprises me myself, sometimes, how many of these subjects there are.)
However, George and Harris simply sat and watched, irritating J. immensely. He forgot items, had to repack repeatedly, and couldn't find his toothbrush. When he finally finished at ten past ten, Harris and George began packing the hampers. They broke cups, squashed tomatoes, trod on butter, and created chaos. Montmorency contributed by sitting on things, getting his nose in the way, and pretending lemons were rats. The packing finished at twelve-fifty.
Chapter 4. Food supplies and the notorious cheese
George suggested eggs and bacon, cold meat, tea, bread, butter, and jam, but insisted on no cheese. He explained that cheese dominated everything around it. J. told a lengthy story about a friend who bought two powerful-smelling cheeses in Liverpool. The cheeses caused havoc: a cab horse bolted from the smell, train passengers fled the compartment, and the friend's wife threatened to leave home. The cheeses were eventually buried at the seaside, where they gave the town a reputation for strong, healthy air.
Chapter 5. An early start and departure from Waterloo
Mrs. Poppets woke them at nine instead of six-thirty.
They argued about who failed to wake whom, then roused George, who had wanted to know what time to wake them but had fallen asleep. At Waterloo station, nobody knew which platform their train departed from. After much confusion and conflicting information, they bribed the engine driver to take them to Kingston. They later learned they had accidentally boarded the Exeter mail. At Kingston, their boat awaited them below the bridge.
Chapter 6. Kingston to Hampton Court
They departed late on a glorious morning. J. steered while musing on Kingston's history, from Saxon kings to Queen Elizabeth's visits to local pubs. He became so lost in thought that he steered the boat under a lock's woodwork. They visited Hampton Court and its famous maze, where Harris once got lost while trying to guide others. He had confidently led a growing crowd of followers in circles for hours until an old keeper rescued them. The friends planned to trick George into entering the maze on their return journey.
Chapter 7. Sunday crowds on the river
At Moulsey Lock, they witnessed the Sunday river spectacle: boats packed with people in bright blazers, gay caps, and colorful dresses created a brilliant, festive scene. The river offered men a rare opportunity to display their taste in colors. Harris favored orange and yellow, though J. thought these shades didn't suit his complexion. George had bought a loud new blazer that Harris compared to something suitable for frightening birds. The friends worried it would attract too much attention to their boat.
Chapter 8. Blackmailing landowners and Harriss singing
They encountered a man claiming they were trespassing and demanding money. Harris offered him bread and jam, but the man wanted a shilling and threatened to throw them in the river before disappearing. J. ranted about selfish riverside landowners who posted threatening notices everywhere. Harris agreed and said he wanted to kill such people and their families, though J. eventually persuaded him to spare the relatives. Later, Harris wanted to sing a comic song. He began performing, but his singing was terrible: he forgot lyrics, mixed up songs, and created chaos. The pianist gave up, and Harris never learned what an embarrassment his singing was.
Chapter 9. George tows and towing mishaps
George towed the boat while J. and Harris rested. Tow-lines had a mysterious tendency to tangle themselves into impossible knots within seconds. The towers and towed often lost sight of each other, leading to comic mishaps. George told a story about a young couple so absorbed in conversation that they towed an empty boat-hook for two miles, having lost their boat. Another time, a barge horse bolted, throwing passengers overboard. Being towed by girls was particularly exciting: they tied themselves in knots, stopped frequently, and required constant shouting of instructions.
Chapter 10. First night camping under canvas
They reached their camping spot and struggled to erect the canvas cover. The hoops fought back, nipping them and hitting them over the head. Harris got completely rolled up in the canvas and had to be rescued. Setting up took half an hour. They made supper, but the kettle refused to boil until they pretended they didn't want tea. The meal was hearty and satisfying.
It is very strange, this domination of our intellect by our digestive organs. We cannot work, we cannot think, unless our stomach wills so. It dictates to us our emotions, our passions.
After eating, they became peaceful and philosophical, discussing the possibility of living on a desert island away from worldly temptation.
Chapter 11. Georges early morning story and nights reflections
George told a story about his father, who once got into bed in the dark at a Welsh inn.
He and his friend accidentally climbed into the same bed from opposite ends, each thinking the other was an intruder. They both tried to throw each other out and ended up on the floor. J. had trouble sleeping on the hard boat boards. He woke during the night and stepped outside, where he contemplated the stars and felt the peace of night.
Then Night, like some great loving mother, gently lays her hand upon our fevered head, and turns our little tear-stained faces up to hers, and smiles; and... the pain is gone.
Chapter 12. Historical sites and the Hampton Court maze
They visited Magna Carta Island and viewed the stone where the great Charter was supposedly signed. The area was rich in history: Henry VIII had met Anne Boleyn nearby, making it difficult for people to find spots where the couple wasn't courting. They passed Old Windsor, where Edward the Confessor had a palace. At Datchet, they recalled a previous trip when every inn was full and they desperately searched for accommodation, finally finding a room in a cottage. The memory made them less particular about lodgings.
Chapter 13. Marlow and Montmorencys cat encounter
At Marlow, Montmorency spotted a large, disreputable-looking black cat. He charged at it full speed, but the cat simply sat down and looked at him with a gentle, inquiring expression. Montmorency stopped abruptly, and a silent conversation seemed to pass between them. The dog backed away, thoroughly intimidated, and from that day forward, the mere mention of cats made him visibly shrink. They restocked provisions at Marlow and departed with an impressive procession of delivery boys following them to the boat.
Chapter 14. Wargrave to Sonning and Georges banjo
They passed through Wargrave and reached Sonning, a fairy-like village covered in roses. They made an Irish stew with everything they could find, including a dead water-rat that Montmorency contributed. The stew was a great success. During tea, Montmorency fought with the kettle and lost badly, developing a permanent fear of it. George attempted to practice his banjo, but Harris's complaints and Montmorency's howling discouraged him. George had faced similar opposition at home and eventually gave up the instrument entirely.
Chapter 15. Early boating experiences and learning to row
The friends reminisced about learning to row. J. started with rafting in suburban brickfields, dodging angry proprietors. George's first rowing experience involved nine young men hiring a racing outrigger at Kew. None of them knew how to row properly, and they created chaos, passing under Kew Bridge sideways and taking forty minutes to return. Harris preferred sea rowing but found it challenging. They discussed punting, which looked easy but required practice. J. told a story about being mistaken for someone else while punting, leading to much mockery from strangers.
Chapter 16. Reading to Streatley
A steam launch towed them past Reading. They found steam launches intensely annoying and spent the week deliberately getting in their way, pretending not to hear their whistles and causing maximum inconvenience. At Hambledon Lock, they asked for water and were directed to the river itself. They tried drinking boiled river water once but stopped after seeing a dead dog floating past. They reached Streatley and stayed at the Bull inn.
Chapter 17. Washing day and fishermens tales
They stayed two days at Streatley to wash their clothes. Their own washing attempt had been disastrous, making the clothes dirtier than before. The professional washerwoman charged triple the usual rate. The area was famous for fishing, though nobody seemed to actually catch anything. J. explained that successful fishing required imagination and the ability to tell convincing lies. He described meeting fishermen who told increasingly elaborate stories. One evening, they visited a riverside inn where an old man showed them a large stuffed trout in a glass case. Four different men claimed to have caught it, each telling a different story. The truth was revealed when George accidentally knocked the case down: the trout was made of plaster.
Chapter 18. Locks and an unfortunate photograph
J. enjoyed locks, finding them picturesque and pleasant breaks in the journey. At Hampton Court Lock, a photographer took a picture of all the boats. J. and George posed carefully, but their boat got stuck under the woodwork just as the photo was taken. The resulting picture showed mainly their feet waving in the air. They refused to buy copies. The river between Iffley and Oxford was difficult to navigate, with unpredictable currents that caused frequent collisions and bad language.
Chapter 19. Oxford and the rain-soaked retreat home
They spent two pleasant days in Oxford, where Montmorency had numerous fights and thought he had reached heaven. On the third day, the weather changed dramatically. Rain poured down steadily, and they rowed miserably under the canvas cover.
But the river—chill and weary, with the ceaseless rain-drops falling on its brown and sluggish waters, with a sound as of a woman, weeping low in some dark chamber...
Everything became damp and miserable. They tried to maintain their spirits, but the rain continued relentlessly. That evening, they played cards and told depressing stories about people who had died from sleeping in damp boats. The second rainy day was identical to the first. As they approached Pangbourne, they realized they faced another dreary evening in a country inn. Someone mentioned a train to London, and they looked at each other guiltily. Twenty minutes later, they were sneaking away from the boat toward the railway station. They reached London, had supper at a restaurant, and attended the Alhambra music hall. Later, back at the restaurant, Harris raised his glass in a toast to their pleasant trip and expressed gratitude that they had the sense to abandon it when they did. Montmorency barked his agreement.