Ugly Love (Hoover)/Chapter 37
from the Collection “Ugly Love”
Chapter Summary
Rachel was preparing for her mother’s visit when her husband, Brad, answered the door. His worried expression frightened her, but the visitor was Miles, her former love, whom she had not seen for roughly six years.
Brad knew about their painful history and offered to send Miles away. Rachel refused, recognizing how far he had traveled to Phoenix. Brad encouraged her to speak with him and withdrew to his office, leaving them alone.
The reunion was hesitant. Miles looked older but familiar, and neither knew how to begin. Although he said he did not know why he had come, Rachel sensed he needed answers or closure and invited him into the living room.
Looking at a photograph of Rachel and Brad, Miles asked whether she loved her husband as much as she had loved him. She said she did. His question about how she had managed it revealed his uncertainty about being able to love again.
Rachel took his hand and led him to her daughter’s crib. Miles resisted entering the room, then struggled to steady himself beside the baby. When Rachel told him her name was Claire, he broke down and retreated into the hallway.
Miles sank to the floor, crying as he recognized Claire as their lost son’s sister. Rachel sat beside him and apologized for blaming him for their loss. She acknowledged that he had lost their child too and that she had not known how to cope.
As they embraced, Rachel remembered the devastation she had felt at eighteen after Clayton’s death. She had blamed Miles for saving her, even though she knew he had done everything he could. Her grief had remained overwhelming for more than three years, until she met Brad.
Rachel recognized that Miles had someone in his life and asked whether he loved her. He feared he could not. Rachel explained how moments of happiness with Brad had gradually interrupted her constant sadness, until happiness became her ordinary life and sadness became occasional.
She described fearing that Claire’s birth would not bring happy tears. Instead, holding the baby, who resembled Clayton, brought her first tears of happiness since holding her son. She told Miles he deserved that happiness too: grief would remain, but love could stop it from consuming his life.
Miles admitted that he wanted a future with the woman he loved. Reassured by Rachel’s happiness, he thanked her and left, eager to tell that woman many things. Before going, he told Rachel he was proud of her. Remaining in the hallway, she silently returned the sentiment.
Characters
Quotes
I also knew in my heart that Miles did what he could. I knew in my heart that it was never his fault, but at that point in my life, I wasn’t capable of rational thought or even forgiveness.
After a while, I began to notice that the good moments with Brad began to outweigh all the sadness. The sadness that was my life became the *moments*, and my happiness with Brad became my *life*.
The pain will never go away, Miles. Ever. But if you let yourself love her, you’ll only feel it sometimes, instead of allowing it to consume your entire life.