A Blunder (Chekhov)
Division into chapters is editorial.
The parents scheme to catch a husband
Ilya Sergeitch Peplov and his wife Kleopatra Petrovna stood at the door, eagerly eavesdropping on a conversation taking place in their drawing room. On the other side of the door, their daughter Natashenka was having what appeared to be a romantic encounter with Shchupkin, a local district school teacher.
"He's rising!" whispered Peplov, quivering with impatience and rubbing his hands. "Now, Kleopatra, mind; as soon as they begin talking of their feelings, take down the icon from the wall and we'll go in and bless them."
The parents had devised a scheme to trap the teacher into marriage with their daughter. Peplov instructed his wife that when the conversation turned to feelings, she should take down the religious icon from the wall. They would then enter the room and bless the couple, making the commitment binding. Peplov believed that such a blessing would be sacred and legally binding, preventing Shchupkin from escaping the arrangement even if he tried to contest it in court.
Natashenka and Shchupkins conversation
On the other side of the door, the conversation between the young people was not as romantic as the parents imagined. Shchupkin was denying having written any letters to Natashenka, striking a match against his checked trousers as they spoke. Natashenka giggled with an affected shriek, repeatedly glancing at herself in the mirror as she insisted she recognized his handwriting.
She teased him about his poor handwriting, questioning how he could teach writing when his own penmanship was so bad. Shchupkin defended himself, claiming that maintaining discipline was more important in teaching than handwriting skills. He mentioned that even Nekrassov, a famous author, had terrible handwriting.
Natashenka sighed and expressed her desire to marry an author who would write poems for her. Seizing the opportunity, Shchupkin offered to write her a poem about love, passion, and her eyes, promising it would move her deeply. He asked if she would let him kiss her hand in return for writing her a real poem. Natashenka readily agreed, allowing him to kiss her hand immediately.
"I should love to marry an author… He'd always be writing poems to me." "I can write you a poem, too, if you like." "What can you write about?" "Love—passion—your eyes. You'll be crazy when you read it."
Shchupkin jumped up eagerly, made sheepish eyes, and bent over her small hand that smelled of egg soap to kiss it.
The attempted blessing and Shchupkins horror
This was the moment the parents had been waiting for. Peplov, pale with excitement and buttoning his coat, nudged his wife and told her to take down the icon. Without delay, he flung open the door and entered the room with his arms raised. Blinking tearfully, he began to bless the young couple, wishing them a fruitful life together.
"Children," he muttered, lifting up his arms and blinking tearfully, "the Lord bless you, my children. May you live—be fruitful—and multiply."
Kleopatra Petrovna joined in, crying with happiness as she blessed them too. She expressed her emotion at giving away her only treasure and implored Shchupkin to love her daughter and be good to her. The sudden appearance and emotional display of the parents caught Shchupkin completely off guard.
"I'm in for it! I'm spliced!" he thought, going limp with horror. "It's all over with you now, my boy! There's no escape!" And he bowed his head submissively, as though to say, "Take me, I'm vanquished."
Shchupkin's mouth fell open in alarm and amazement. The parents' attack was so bold and unexpected that he couldn't utter a single word. Horrified by the trap he had fallen into, he went limp with fear, believing there was no escape from this forced marriage. In resignation, he bowed his head submissively, accepting his fate.
The portrait mix-up and Shchupkins escape
Just as the blessing ceremony seemed complete, Peplov's expression suddenly changed from tearful emotion to anger. He stopped weeping and his face contorted with rage as he looked at what his wife was holding. He angrily called her an idiot and questioned if what she was holding was actually the icon.
In her nervous haste and confusion, Kleopatra had mistakenly grabbed the portrait of Lazhetchnikov, an author, from the wall instead of the religious icon they had planned to use for the blessing.
"You ninny!" he said angrily to his wife. "You are an idiot! Is that the icon?" "Ach, saints alive!" What had happened? The writing master raised himself and saw that he was saved...
The old couple stood disconcerted in the middle of the room, holding the portrait aloft, not knowing what to do or say next. Shchupkin, realizing that the blessing was invalid without the proper religious icon, quickly took advantage of the confusion and slipped away, escaping the marriage trap that had been set for him.