In a Strange Land (Chekhov)
Short summary
Russia, late 19th century. Landowner Kamyshev was having lunch with Monsieur Champoun, a Frenchman who once tutored Kamyshev's children and now served as his male companion.
During the meal, Kamyshev began insulting the French, claiming Russians were intellectually superior and French people were immoral. Despite Champoun's protests, Kamyshev continued his xenophobic tirade until the Frenchman, deeply offended, left the table and began packing his belongings.
Three hours later, Kamyshev, missing his conversation partner, visited Champoun's room. Finding the Frenchman packing, Kamyshev claimed he had lost Champoun's passport, making it impossible for him to leave Russia without being arrested. Champoun became distraught.
"What are you doing to me?" he says in despair, clutching at his head. "My God! accursed be that hour when the fatal thought of leaving my country entered my head!..."
Kamyshev then admitted he was only joking about the passport. Relieved but still upset, Champoun returned to dinner with his employer. The story ended with the same pattern repeating: Kamyshev resumed his offensive remarks, continuing the cycle of Champoun's suffering.
Detailed summary
Division into chapters is editorial.
Kamyshev and his French tutor
On a Sunday at midday, a landowner named Kamyshev sat in his dining room enjoying a luxurious lunch. Sharing his meal was Monsieur Champoun, an elderly Frenchman who once served as a tutor to Kamyshev's children. After the children grew up and became lieutenants, Champoun remained in the household in a position resembling a male companion.
Champoun's duties were simple: he had to dress properly, smell of scent, listen to Kamyshev's idle talk, and attend to his basic needs of eating, drinking, and sleeping. For these services, he received room, board, and an undefined salary.
"The duties of the former tutor were not complicated. He had to be properly dressed, to smell of scent, to listen to Kamyshev's idle babble, to eat and drink and sleep—and apparently that was all."
The insulting lunch conversation
During lunch, Kamyshev engaged in his usual habit of babbling at random. After taking a bite of ham with mustard, he complained about the strength of Russian mustard compared to French mustard. This led him into a tirade against all things French. He claimed that Frenchmen would eat anything, including frogs, rats, and beetles, if told it was French cuisine.
Kamyshev continued his xenophobic rant by comparing the size of France unfavorably to Russia. He mocked France as a tiny bit of land where one could drive around the entire country in a single day, while Russia stretched endlessly. When Champoun acknowledged that Russia was indeed an immense country, Kamyshev pressed on with his insults.
"To your thinking there is no country better than France, but to my mind... Why, what is France, to tell the truth about it? A little bit of land. Our police captain was sent out there, but in a month he asked to be transferred"
Kamyshev grudgingly admitted that the French were well-educated with elegant manners, but insisted they lacked spirit. He claimed that Russians possessed innate intelligence, while French intelligence was merely acquired from books. To illustrate his point about Russian ingenuity, he mentioned his coachman Iona, who had carved a wooden figure that performed amusing movements when pulled by a thread, yet did not boast about his creation.
The landowner then attacked French morality, particularly regarding marriage. He claimed that French husbands spent their days in cafés while their wives entertained other men at home. When Champoun protested that family values were highly esteemed in France, Kamyshev dismissed his defense and thanked the Germans for defeating the French.
Champouns offense and decision to leave
Deeply offended by Kamyshev's relentless insults toward his homeland, Champoun finally reached his breaking point. He leapt up with flashing eyes and demanded to know why Kamyshev kept him in his employ if he hated the French so much. When Kamyshev asked what he should do with him, Champoun declared that he would return to France.
Kamyshev mockingly questioned whether France would even accept Champoun back, calling him a traitor to his country for his shifting allegiances between Napoleon and Gambetta. Champoun, spluttering with indignation, switched to French and declared that Kamyshev had delivered the greatest possible insult to his feelings. With a dramatic gesture, he flung his dinner napkin on the table and walked out of the room with dignity.
"Monsieur, my worst enemy could not have thought of a greater insult than the outrage you have just done to my feelings! All is over!" And with a tragic wave of his arm the Frenchman flings his dinner napkin on the table"
Three hours later, the table was laid again for dinner. Kamyshev sat alone, feeling the need to chatter but having no listener. He asked the footman about Champoun's whereabouts and was informed that the Frenchman was packing his trunk.
The passport deception
Kamyshev went to Champoun's room, where he found the Frenchman sitting on the floor, tearfully packing his belongings. Everything about Champoun's appearance and possessions reflected elegance and refinement. After standing silently for a moment, Kamyshev asked where Champoun was going.
When Champoun did not respond, Kamyshev continued speaking, saying he wouldn't try to stop him from leaving. However, he then mentioned a significant problem: Champoun's passport. Kamyshev claimed he had lost the passport somewhere among his papers. He warned Champoun about the strict passport regulations in Russia, suggesting that without proper documentation, Champoun would be quickly apprehended and possibly escorted to a place "nearer home" under police supervision.
"Do you want to go away?" Kamyshev goes on. "Well, you know, but... I won't venture to detain you. But what is queer is, how are you going to travel without a passport? I wonder! You know I have lost your passport."
Alarmed by this revelation, Champoun began pacing the room in despair. He clutched his head and lamented the moment he had decided to leave his homeland. Seeing his distress, Kamyshev admitted he was only joking, commenting that Champoun didn't understand humor.
Champouns continued suffering
Relieved by Kamyshev's admission that the passport situation was merely a joke, Champoun expressed his devotion to Russia, to Kamyshev, and to his children. He confessed that leaving would be as bitter as death itself, but that every word Kamyshev uttered stabbed him to the heart.
Kamyshev dismissed Champoun's sensitivity, calling him a "queer fish" for taking offense at criticism of the French. He suggested that Champoun should follow the example of his Jewish tenant, Lazar Isaakitch, who endured Kamyshev's anti-Semitic abuse without complaint.
Champoun replied that Lazar endured such treatment because he was a slave who would tolerate any insult for money. Kamyshev brushed this off and declared "peace and concord." Champoun powdered his tear-stained face and accompanied Kamyshev back to the dining room. They ate the first course in silence, but after the second course, the same pattern of abuse began again, ensuring that Champoun's suffering would have no end.
"The first course is eaten in silence, after the second the same performance begins over again, and so Champoun's sufferings have no end."