Pretty Mouth and Green My Eyes (Salinger)
from the Collection “Nine Stories”
Short Summary
A city apartment, presumably New York, mid-20th century. Late at night, the gray-haired man lay in bed with a young woman when his friend Arthur telephoned, distressed over his missing wife Joanie.
Arthur grew increasingly anxious, suspecting Joanie of infidelity, and became frantic, doubting himself, their marriage, and his sanity.
Throughout the call, the gray-haired man calmly tried to reassure Arthur and persuade him to relax and wait at home. Shortly after Arthur hung up, he called again, relieved and optimistic, saying,
"Listen, I just thought you'd want to know. Joanie just barged in." "What?" said the gray-haired man, and bridged his left hand over his eyes, though the light was behind him.
The gray-haired man ended the call abruptly, visibly disturbed, while the girl beside him comforted him, both knowing she was Arthur's wife.
Detailed Summary
Division into chapters is editorial.
The Interrupted Affair
Late at night, a gray-haired man and a young woman were together in bed when the telephone rang. The man asked the woman if she would prefer he not answer it, but after a brief hesitation, she indicated he should take the call.
The gray-haired man asked the girl, with quite some little deference, if she would rather for any reason he didn't answer it. The girl heard him as if from a distance, and turned her face toward him.
Arthur's Concern About His Missing Wife
The caller was Arthur, who immediately asked if he had woken the gray-haired man. After being assured that he hadn't, Arthur anxiously inquired whether the gray-haired man, whom he called Lee, had noticed when his wife Joanie left a party they had all attended earlier that evening, and specifically if she had left with the Ellenbogens.
"The reason I called, Lee, did you happen to notice when Joanie was leaving? Did you happen to notice if she left with the Ellenbogens, by any chance?" The gray-haired man looked left again, but high this time, away from the girl.
The gray-haired man claimed he hadn't seen Joanie leave, explaining that he had been caught in a long conversation with a foreign guest seeking legal advice. Arthur revealed that he was worried because Joanie hadn't returned home yet. He expressed his suspicion that she might have been flirting with someone at the party, saying he had a feeling she was being unfaithful.
"I have a feeling she went to work on some bastard in the kitchen. I just have a feeling. She always starts necking some bastard in the kitchen when she gets tanked up. I'm through. I swear to God I mean it this time."
Revelations About Arthur's Troubled Marriage
As the conversation continued, Arthur revealed the depth of his insecurity and jealousy. He confessed that he frequently checked closets in their apartment, half-expecting to find men hiding there. The gray-haired man tried to calm him down, suggesting that Arthur was torturing himself unnecessarily and that he should give Joanie more credit.
"You know what I do? I practically have to keep myself from opening every goddam closet door in the apartment—I swear to God. Every night I come home, I half expect to find a bunch of bastards hiding all over the place."
Arthur then shifted to discussing his professional troubles, mentioning that he had lost an important case that day. He explained that the judge, whom he called Mother Vittorio, seemed biased against him, and that the opposing attorney had introduced damaging evidence from a chambermaid. Arthur worried about how his boss, Junior, would react to the loss, as the case involved hotels that had been clients for many years.
Returning to the topic of his marriage, Arthur declared that he and Joanie were fundamentally mismatched. He described her as intellectually pretentious, calling her "Madame Bovary at Columbia Extension School" and mocking her interest in television. Despite his complaints, Arthur admitted that there were moments of tenderness in their relationship, recalling a poem he once sent her and how she had once bought him a suit.
"We're mismated, that's all. That's the whole simple story. We're just mismated as hell. You know what she needs? She needs some big silent bastard to just walk over once in a while and knock her out cold."
The Gray-Haired Man's Attempts to Comfort Arthur
Throughout the conversation, the gray-haired man maintained a calm, reassuring tone. He suggested that the Ellenbogens had probably taken Joanie out for drinks after the party and that they would all return soon. He advised Arthur to relax, get into bed, and wait for Joanie's return rather than working himself into a state of anxiety.
When Arthur asked if he could come over for a drink, the gray-haired man discouraged him, insisting that Arthur should be at home when Joanie returned. The girl watched the gray-haired man throughout the call, at one point commenting that he was "wonderful" and that she felt "like a dog" about the situation. The gray-haired man acknowledged that it was a difficult situation but continued to handle Arthur with patience.
The Shocking Revelation
Just as they finished their conversation, the phone rang again. It was Arthur calling back, this time with news that Joanie had just returned home. He explained that she had been with the Ellenbogens after all - Leona had gotten drunk and had a crying jag, and Bob had asked Joanie to join them for a drink to help sort things out.
"What a rat race. Honest to God, I think it's this goddam New York. What I think maybe we'll do, if everything goes along all right, we'll get ourselves a little place in Connecticut maybe... I mean she's crazy about plants and all that stuff."
Arthur's tone had completely changed - he was now optimistic about his marriage, talking about possibly moving to Connecticut where they could lead a more normal life. He also mentioned trying to fix the "bedbug mess" with his boss. The gray-haired man, suddenly claiming to have a headache, cut the conversation short.
Again the girl immediately spoke to him, but he didn't answer her. He picked a burning cigarette—the girl's—out of the ashtray and started to bring it to his mouth, but it slipped out of his fingers.