The Memoirs of a Mother (Tolstoy)
Short summary
Russia, mid-19th century. The narrator visited his longtime friend Marie Alexandrovna at a monastery where she lived alone after raising eight children.
Marie had retreated there seeking religious consolation after her grown children no longer needed her.
During their last meeting, she showed him diaries containing her life story. At twenty, she had married Alexis Lutkovsky and devoted herself to family. A tutor, Peter Nikiforovich, deeply influenced her with his philosophy of self-sacrifice. Marie reflected on the paradox of motherhood:
We go on suffering incessantly for our children, from before their birth until the time comes when they begin to insist on their rights.
A month later, Marie died at vespers. She left her memoirs to the narrator to share her insights about motherhood's sorrows.
Detailed summary
Division into chapters is editorial.
The narrators friendship with Marie Alexandrovna and her memoirs
A narrator recounted his lifelong friendship with Marie Alexandrovna, whom he had known since childhood. Their relationship remained purely platonic throughout forty years, built on mutual respect and free from romantic complications. Only once, during a childhood game of "Ladies and Gentlemen" when she was fifteen, had he briefly imagined himself in love with her.
I have never known a woman who more perfectly typified the good wife, the good mother. Through her I learned much, and came to understand many things.
The narrator last saw Marie Alexandrovna a month before her death, when she had settled alone with her cook Barbara in monastery grounds. Despite being a mother of eight children with nearly fifty grandchildren, she lived in solitude, having found her family unable to provide the emotional fulfillment she craved after forty years of household activity.
During their final conversation, they discussed Peter Nikiforovich, the children's first tutor who had died of consumption in her house. This remarkable man had profoundly influenced Marie Alexandrovna with his philosophy of taking as little as possible from others while giving as much as possible of oneself.
Courtship and engagement to Alexis Lutkovsky
Marie Alexandrovna's diary from May 1857 revealed her passionate love for Alexis Lutkovsky, son of Anna Pavlovna Lutkovsky and related to prominent families. He had served at Sevastopol not from ambition but from duty, refusing to remain safe while others died. After the war, he left the army and worked in Petersburg before coming to their province to serve on a committee.
Initially, Alexis seemed to pay attention to Marie's younger sister Madia, but Marie instinctively knew his true feelings were for her. The decisive moment came when he pressed her hand while leaving, causing both to blush. He returned immediately, running up the stairs with determination, and found Marie waiting at the door, somehow knowing what was to come.
Joy suffocated me. I held out my hand. He took it and kissed it. 'Is it really yes? Truly? Yes? You knew, didn't you. I have suffered so long.'
Alexis proposed directly, asking if she could love him as he loved her and be his wife. Marie accepted, they kissed, and he stayed until past one in the morning. The wedding was planned for a month later, though he had wanted it to be the following week.
Wedding preparations and early marriage
Marie's father initially appeared displeased with the match, expressing concern to his wife about Alexis's prospects. While acknowledging Alexis was good-natured, he worried about financial security, noting that what they could provide would not be sufficient for the young couple. He had hoped for someone better for his tender, open-hearted daughter Marie.
Meanwhile, Alexis traveled to Moscow for wedding preparations, where he encountered temptation in the form of Anna, a woman from his past. Despite being led to her room by a friend, he struggled with his conscience, looking at Marie's photograph while wrestling with his feelings. Though he succumbed to temptation, he remained committed to Marie.
Marie, unaware of Alexis's struggles, wrote in her diary about their discussions of future children. She found it impossible to believe she would have children, feeling she might die of happiness. The wedding took place as planned, and in autumn they moved to St. Petersburg where Alexis secured a position in the Civil Service.
I cannot believe I shall have children, or even one child. It is impossible. I shall die of happiness.
Moving to Petersburg and the birth of their first son
The young couple established themselves in St. Petersburg, where Alexis found work in the Civil Service. In September, they discovered Marie was expecting their first child. Despite all the careful preparations everyone had made for the birth, the actual event unfolded quite differently from their expectations, as often happens with such momentous occasions.
The accouchement arrived unexpectedly in March, creating confusion precisely because everyone had wanted to foresee every detail. Their first son was born, marking the beginning of what would become a large family. This birth represented the fulfillment of Marie's earlier wonder about having children, though it came with the typical chaos and unpredictability that accompanies such life-changing events.
Years later, after Marie Alexandrovna's death at vespers, the narrator received her memoirs as promised. She had died peacefully, sitting on her folding stool and leaning against the wall. Her six leather-bound diaries and four manuscript books contained her reflections on motherhood, family relationships, and the complex dynamics between parents and children that would define her life's greatest joys and sorrows.
It would not matter if they really loved us, or even if they were happy. But they don't, and they aren't.
The narrator, having known the family throughout their lives, supplemented Marie's memoirs with his own recollections to create a complete picture of this remarkable woman's touching and instructive story. Her memoirs revealed the universal struggles of motherhood and the complex relationships between parents and their adult children.